They seem distant. How can I bring it up?

First, separate 'what happened' from 'my assumptions'

Messages now take hours to reply; weekend plans to work overtime; during meetings, constantly checking phones. These are visible changes. 'Does he no longer care about me?' or 'Is there someone else?' are guesses. When mixed together, your mind automatically fills in the story—usually the worst version—and then you interpret every word from him through that lens.

Split them into two columns and write them down. Guesses won't disappear, but they'll have a place to rest. You can also note how long the changes have lasted, and whether they coincided with times when your partner was busy at work or home. The feeling of loss is worth being heard—just a few messages aren't enough to know what's really going on in their heart.

Pick a time when you can have a calm conversation

The same sentence said at different times may receive completely different responses. In a message, right after a fight, when the other person is exhausted and just wants to sleep, or when they're busy working—none of these are good times. You'll likely get a 'No, that's not true' and feel even more anxious.

Better times are when both of you are free and not rushed—face-to-face or at least able to talk on the phone: after dinner while walking, during a weekend afternoon, or on the way to a ride together. Before speaking, ask a simple question: 'Would now be a good time to talk for ten minutes?' This gives your partner time to prepare and makes the conversation feel less like a surprise. If they say no, schedule a time together instead of giving up.

• Both of you should have at least twenty minutes, without being interrupted by work or phones.
• Avoid times right after a conflict, when one person is very tired, or after drinking.
• Face-to-face or phone calls are better; messages risk misinterpretation and are easier to avoid.

Express your feelings and needs in one sentence—don't follow up with questions for answers

Questions like 'Are you no longer in love with me?' have only two answers—and either one will leave you feeling less secure. Instead, describe facts, share your feelings, and state your needs. The sentence structure should be: What happened recently (fact), how I feel as a result (feeling), what I hope for (need), and end with an open-ended question. After saying it, pause and let the other person respond. Their first reaction may not be the final answer. Below are a few examples of how to say it—just copy the last sentence and adapt it to your situation.

• For long-distance relationships: 'The past few weeks, our calls have decreased. I miss you and feel a bit uneasy. How about we video chat for an evening this weekend?'
• For cohabiting: 'Recently, after coming home, it seems we're both busy with our own things. I feel a bit lonely. I'd like to have one evening a week where we don't use our computers and just eat together and talk. What do you think?'
• If you'd like to first check his feelings: 'Recently, I feel we're drifting apart. I'd like to know if you're feeling the same way.'

What to observe after the conversation

One conversation doesn't have to immediately warm up a relationship, nor should it. Over the next two to three weeks, focus not on how many promises they give, but on whether there are any real, observable changes. The list below helps you pay attention to tangible things, not on re-analyzing every message.

If the other person is unwilling to talk, or if you still feel uneasy

If the other person refuses to talk, consistently says 'nothing's wrong,' or changes the subject, this itself is a message: they are currently unwilling or unable to face this issue together. This doesn't mean you made a mistake, but it should be considered in your judgment. If you've been the only one adjusting, the one speaking up, and the one waiting, it's worth having a follow-up conversation about your boundaries: what do you need in order to continue in this relationship? You don't have to rely on constant guessing and compromise to gain a little peace.

Take the content from the four-column chart and bring it to Nexa. Nexa will break it down into what has already happened, what still needs confirmation, and what can be done next, explaining the basis for each judgment and telling you which step to take first. You can also ask for a second look from the perspective of the I Ching or Bazi within the same conversation. The other person's response will only appear after you speak; that answer can only come from them, and you have the right to ask it.